Experiencing Confidence

It’s not supposed to be easy. It’s not something that’s here to stay. Confidence. Getting Secure in yourself.

We spend over half our life just trying to figure out “who” we are. At the young age of 18, we’re expected to know enough about ourselves to actually choose an education path for a career. Most of us don’t even know what our true hobbies are, what our likes and dislikes are, and the most important question of “What makes you tick?”
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Resurrecting Routine

Look back and think…”what was your favorite part of the day?
Not: “what is your favorite memory?” Because those don’t usually come as planned.
Not: “what brings you joy?” Because there can be too many to choose from.

So many of us are trying so hard to find “happy ” that we are actually working backwards. We’re giving ourselves decision fatigue in “what brings you joy?”
We try to plan out things we think will make us happy, and can end up disappointment.

Happiness is a habit which comes out of….routine.

Look back on parts of your day, and see which part makes you feel the most peaceful, the most relaxed, the most satisfied. This can be any part of your day where you personally feel at your mental and spiritual best. Simple, short, energy boosting, mood lifting things.

If I’m totally honest, it’s taken me 8 tries to get to this paragraph. EIGHT TIMES. Why? Because I’m trying to practice what I preach, and still find myself having to live at the same time. We’ve got the weirdest lifestyle of anyone I’ve met (in person). My husband and I both work from home, and we have two young handsome boys that we homeschool. We are together all the time. I bet the last two sentences have perfectly illustrated that it’s an understatement to say “It’s hard to find alone time”.

I’m kind of a night owl, but that doesn’t really work for my household. Sure, I can sleep in until 7:00 if I want, but that doesn’t equal a smooth morning at all. Last night I resolved to fix this by getting to bed “early” at 10:30. This morning I thought that getting up at 6:15 would be early enough, but quickly found out I was mistaken as my husband also jumped off the bed and into the shower, and the little guys got up and immediately started throwing legos at each other. This usually happens around 8am, not 6am. Coffee, please.

For some people this might be normal, but for people with the choice and ability to sleep in…whyyyyyy aaaaarrreeennnn’t yoouuuuu? I guess you could just say that we are incredibly in sync with each others rhythms. Which now that I think about it…is pretty heartwarming. Aww ❤

In the process of writing this blog post (yes, just ONE post) I’ve:
* Made oatmeal for the boys, complete with bananas
* Found the egg roll wrappers that were “hiding” on top of the case of Yuingling
* Made the coffee (extra grounds today)
* Made the bed and tidied up the bathroom
* Diffused a fight (over the all-important legos, duh)
* Talked with my husband about friends who’ve ditched us (hurtie)
* Set the ricotta to drain for the cannelloni he’s making
* Finally finished a cold cup of coffee (try to laugh ok)

Which…brings me back to what was to be the original point of this post! WHEW!

You need a little quiet time at some point in your day to reset and recharge your batteries.

For me, that was always the time when way back in the day, my husband would leave for base at 5am, and I’d get up with him, have coffee, and write. The house was quiet and dark, and it was just me alone with my thoughts and a keyboard. I’d collect my thoughts while jotting down feelings, dreams, and things I learned. At one point, I even had a weekly post on Fridays. When I was done, I did really feel peaceful, like I’d done something that served my brain and spirit, my mind was clearer, and I was ready to greet the boys when they woke up.

Why did I stop? Life happened. Wedding photography took over. The boys both started a brick-and-mortar school (the best private school in the area, but that’s not important). My husband’s job became super stressful. Let’s not even talk about deployments. Well, we can, just not right this second. The point is–I put the one small thing I liked to do for personal enjoyment on the back burner, and my emotional/spiritual self fell by the wayside along with it.

So many things changed. So much can happen in a frighteningly short amount of time. I lost myself, and I lost something that grounded me and kept me from having thoughts mull around in my head hundreds of times, which isn’t good for anyone. Repetitive thoughts can quickly downward spiral. For me, getting them “down and out” helped stop the negativity and just made a better day. Down on paper, and out of my head.

Today’s lesson has been long (approx. 3 hours long, honestly) it has been wordy, and it has been in pieces over the course of this morning. It’s almost 9am now. I’ve learned that Maybe a little earlier would help out my cause–early enough that the little wolves are still in REM and won’t wake up at the sound of one footstep. A little earlier would have my husband check the time on his phone and say “faaaah that” and pull the covers closer.

Routines are an evolving and changing thing. They, like habits, take time to build and form. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Things didn’t go today like I thought they would, but there’s always tomorrow. The important thing is: I tried. It’s a start, and a step. Baby steps. Any step is better than no step at all.

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