Three. No, the date. Today, three.
I’m Sicilian, I’ve always had this “thing” with numbers. Numbers are signs. Signs, I’ve been taught, are God speaking to us.
We’re a unique blend of religion and superstitions.
We wear a cross with a cornicello.
We say novenas, but we worry regardless.
We pray, but we look for signs. We think we can beg and plead and perform to get our way.
We make cucidatti for San Giuseppe to plead on our behalf. Sometimes, it works. March. March is for San Giuseppe. The 19th, in case you were wondering. (If you’re not a Sigi, San Giuseppe is Saint Joseph, Jesus’s earthly father.)
I’ve heard a story of a woman pleading for her husband’s life from a sickness that had overtaken him. She ran her tongue from the foot of the church to the altar before she lit her novena candle, prepared a San Giuseppe altar, and her husband was healed. Each year, she prepared another altar, and each year, he received a clean bill of health. She is absolutely convinced that San Giuseppe, has petitioned on her behalf to save her husband’s life.
I too, have felt that pang of desperation. Desperate for answers. Dying for truth. I have felt the despair, the abyss of the unknown, the inability to move, having my appetite completely disappear to where I lost 16 pounds in 1 month, (how good. are you. with dates.) not being able to take a deep breath for days on end, having my eyes W I L D with uncertainty and still pushing on, not knowing how the days made it through.
My life was turned upside down. I had it firmly planted in my head that I could turn it right side up. I’m not exactly sure how I’ve gotten to this point. Maybe it was my oldest brother bringing me over pizza because I was so sure I wasn’t hungry until I saw it. Maybe it was all the novena candles. Maybe it was finding peace in the Word. Maybe it was my best friend handing me one book that put a few major pieces of the puzzle together.
If I had secrets, I would certainly tell you, so that you could do the same…but my biggest secret would be prayer and studying God’s word. This is something that anyone could do, and beautifully, each have different results that would be perfect for them and their life. He has His own plan for your life, no two are alike.
This life is no doubt, W I L D. Its unpredictable, punches, envelopes, and rolls you over when you least expect it. Funny enough, my heart has chosen someone that I’m convinced is part wolf to love.
Your heart chooses who you love. Your head would choose someone sensible, good on paper, and formally compatible. Maybe it would even choose someone who brought you up and legitimized you, fixing all your social needs. For people with true love, this is far from the life they lead.
My wolf has given me two little wolf cubs to raise, and all three of them give me a path to chase after them. Sometimes they need affection, sometimes they need their independence. They are wild, they need someone who will keep them sane, and love them unconditionally.
The oldest refuses to take the harsh words from an older child at gym, to which we support him fighting for his little brother. My husband praises him for his quick defense. He’s now singing John Mayer as he walks up the stairs (ew!) as a joke because he knows it makes me cringe, and I’m finishing up the Belfast Black Ale that I’m so glad we set out to get after putting in two hours in the gym. Living with us, or even being friends with us, is not for the faint of heart.
This life has been an adventure in itself. I’ve always loved that meme about The North Face, with “willy wokna” asking about how many adventures you’ve been on. I’ve recently scored a North Face book bag for a steal off LetGo to go with my North Face jacket–in wolf gray no less!! Seriously. It was totally meant for me. I’ve got wolves to tend to, to try to snuggle with, to feed endlessly, to stay energetic for, and to stay a step ahead of.
This life is immensely different, but worlds better than it was before. All achieved with a mission amount of effort. Nothing good comes without a significant amount of work. But you can look at the immense workload as an adventure. They are your wolves, your adventure, you wouldn’t tame them, even if you wanted to, because it would ruin the very reason you love them. You love them just the way God made them.
So, you’ve got a North Face jacket. And a matching North Face bookbag. Tell me about all the adventures you’ve been on. Well you can just keep reading my story. You’ll get to see for yourself.
(low quality phone photo taken while adventuring, duh. Canon 5D photos can come later!)